


It’s My Turn

by Agirlwhowrites



Category: Dead To Me (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:41:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,610
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24558577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agirlwhowrites/pseuds/Agirlwhowrites
Summary: Jen and Judy have been ignoring their feelings for each other for way too long. What happens when Jen tells Judy the truth about what happened to Steve? It will be a night that they will never forget.
Relationships: Judy Hale/Jen Harding
Comments: 8
Kudos: 18





	It’s My Turn

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this is my first time attempting to write a fanfic so please go easy on me! I love dead to me and Jen and Judy and this idea popped into my head so I’m just gonna go with it. Takes place at the end of season 2 episode 9 when Jen tells Judy the truth about Steve. I took a lot of dialogue from that scene and I think it’s just going to be a one-shot so yeah any feedback is appreciated, I would love to hear your thoughts! Also, I don’t have a beta so all mistakes are my own, thank you so much for reading! *I do not own Dead To Me*

This had been one of the worst days ever she just couldn’t catch a fucking break, but at least it couldn’t get any worse right? Jen thought as she poured her fifth glass of wine. Soon after, Judy came through the door looking upset telling her to come to the garage right now and she just could not process the words coming out of Judy’s mouth.

What the fuck is happening? The police think Charlie her sweet Char had killed Steve and they had all the evidence they needed with pictures of Charlie driving Steve’s car the night it was burned, oh no. Jen’s mind was racing with fear about what could happen to her son, “Oh my god what the fuck is wrong with me?” “How could I have let this happen?” “What am I gonna do?” “What am I gonna do, Judy?” “Nothing.” “Oh my god.” “Listen to me. Nothing.” “What?” Judy looked at Jen with an intense look in her eyes. “I’m gonna take the blame for it.” “What? No, no you’re not.” Jen thought Judy was being fucking insane. “I’m not asking you, I’m telling you.” “Oh, fuck, no!” “You are going to let me do this.” “I need to do this.” “Oh, my god Judy.” “No.” Seriously, what the fuck is Judy thinking? “Yes.” 

“Listen to me, the night that Steve died... I-I was gonna kill myself.” Jen couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What?” Tears started brimming in Judy’s eyes. “But then you called me, and you saved me.” “Oh, Judy.” “And maybe you saved me for a reason so that I can do this for you now.” All Judy could think about was helping Jen; she deserved a normal life and a chance at happiness. Judy would go to prison a thousand times for Jen. “You have a family.” “You have a life.“ “Please let me do this for you, Jen.“

“I’m responsible for all of this. If it wasn’t for me, none of this would have happened.” Jen couldn’t have Judy blaming herself for Steve’s death when she was the one to blame. She felt the guilt creep up on her; looking at Judy’s face she knew she had to tell her the truth right now. “You are not responsible for Steve’s death. I am.” Judy interrupted “Yes I am.” “No, you’re not.” “He came here looking for me and then he attacked you.” “No.” “Yes, it was self-defense, Jen.” “No, it wasn’t.” “Yes, it was.” “No, it wasn’t, Judy.” Judy looked at Jen with confusion in her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“He was walking away. And he didn’t attack me, okay? I attacked him.” “No, you said that he was strangling you.” “No, I lied.” “You what?” Judy couldn’t believe what she was hearing, why would Jen lie? “I lied.” “I’m sorry.” “No, I don’t understand... why you would, why would you do that?” “Why... Why would you kill him?” Even saying the words made her feel sick, sure Jen has anger issues and it could get out of hand sometimes but she wouldn’t ever hurt anyone on purpose, right?

Jen flashed back to that night when Steve was saying all of those terrible things about her. “He was looking for a way out, honey.” “What?” “Ted, he jumped in front of our car.” “No.” Jen shook her head not wanting to believe his lies. “Oh yeah, he wanted to get hit.” “FUCK YOU.” “You know what? I don’t fucking blame him, because if I was married to you I’d want to put a fucking gun to my head. I’d want to kill myself too, you miserable cunt!”

Jen thought about how she had killed him with Henry’s toy bird smashing into Steve’s skull leaving him floating lifeless in her pool. Her rage had turned her into a monster. His words kept echoing in her head getting louder and louder and she felt like she was suffocating. "Cause he was saying some really bad things, okay?" "And I got really angry and I just lost it." She was hoping that Judy would just drop it after that because Jen was about to have a fucking meltdown if she had to keep thinking about what Steve said." "What did he say to you?" She couldn't tell Judy she just couldn't. "I can't... it doesn't fucking matter." "Yes, it does." "No." "What did he say to you?" "No, it doesn't-" "IT OBVIOUSLY MATTERS BECAUSE YOU FUCKING KILLED HIM, WHAT THE FUCK DID HE SAY TO YOU?!?" Judy was shocked at the sound of her own voice but she needed to know she just had to know. "HE SAID THAT TED JUMPED IN FRONT OF THAT CAR!" "Okay? He said that he wanted to die because of me." "You know that's not true, right?" "It's true." "No, it's not." Judy couldn't have Jen blaming herself it was never her fault. "None of that is true. That's just what Steve did." "He wanted to hurt you, that's how he was." Jen couldn't stop the sob that escaped her because Steve was right Ted was disgusted by her and soon Judy will feel the same way and then she would have no one to hold her and make her feel better the way only Judy can. She deserved to wallow in her self misery. "No, he was right Judy." "I'm- I'm a piece of shit. I'm a fucking piece of shit." Jen let all of her sobs escape, full-on crying. "Ted fucking hated me, my kids fucking hate me, I fucking hate me, everybody just fucking hates me." Judy shook her head. "I don't hate you, I could never hate you." _I love you_ Judy thought, how the fuck could anyone hate this amazing woman she has been there for me whenever I needed her, she saved my life, she’s my person. 

Judy went in for a hug but Jen pushed her away. I don't deserve you Judy and before she knew it she was saying anything harsh just to drive Judy away. "Oh god, that's because you love anyone who just gives you a morsel of fucking attention, even if it's abusive." "It's like you get off on it or something." "It's why you loved Steve and why you love your shitty, fucking asshole mother!" "You'll just stick around for anybody." Judy just stared at Jen with a hurt expression on her face, she didn't want to leave but it was clear that she wasn't wanted.

Just when Judy was about to walk out that door and make a huge mistake, Jen muttered an “Oh, shit.” To herself not believing what she just said. She didn’t mean it of course she didn’t fucking mean it she was just a stupid asshole. Jen started to run after her. “Judy, wait, please don’t go!” “Stop, stop, stop, please.” “Look, I didn’t mean it, okay? I didn’t mean that.” Judy tried to open her car door but Jen put her hand out to stop her and grabbed her arm. “No, listen to me. Listen to me.” “Listen to me, stop. I am so sorry. Okay, listen. Listen.” “It’s okay to be angry. You should be fucking irate right now. I deserve that.” “Don’t.” How could Judy even explain that she could never be angry with Jen she was hurt, yes but angry? How could you look into those emerald eyes and be angry? “You should punch me in the face.” “Come on, please.” “No.” Judy refused because no matter how hurt she was she could never harm the woman she loves. “Just punch me in the face.” “I’m not like you.” Judy could not believe the words coming out of her mouth but she needed to be left alone so she could process the shitstorm of emotions bubbling inside her. 

She got into her car and was about to head off to the police station to turn herself in and save the only family she has ever known and loved. Jen ran in front of the mustang “Don’t go. Don’t go. Please, just hit me!” She wanted to desperately feel the pain that she deserved to feel. “Move!” “Please!” Jen was begging for it all to be over she could not take it anymore. “I need you to move.” Judy could never hit Jen she should be hitting herself instead this was all her fault; she had to pay the price. “Just hit me!” “Get out of the way!” “No!” “Move, Jen!” “Just fucking run me over!” “Stop it!” “Hit me!” Jen started banging her hands on the car, why wouldn’t Judy just fucking hit her? She needed to feel the pain right now. “STOP!” “STOP IT!” “JUST FUCKING STOP IT!” Judy could no longer hold back her tears as they came bursting out of her, she was so tired of fighting and lying and hiding it was all too much. She felt something hitting her body not even realizing that she was hitting herself with her own two hands, but she couldn’t stop she just needed to feel something anything and it was okay because she deserves this. “Oh, Judy.” Jen could not keep watching Judy hurt herself. The sound of a car door opening barely registered in Judy’s mind but then Judy felt Jen take her hands away from her body and she felt Jen’s arms wrap around her body pulling her into a hug and she felt safe for the first time in a long time. 

“Shhh, It’s okay.” ”It’s okay baby.” “I’m so sorry.” “I’m so sorry for everything,” Jen whispered some more comforting words in her ear and just held Judy in her arms and if she was being honest she would fucking hold her forever if she could. Judy’s sobs quieted down after a little while. Judy pulled back from the hug and looked at Jen with a look in her eyes that she couldn’t quite place.

“Are you oka-“ before Jen could finish her sentence Judy leaned in and smashed her lips onto Jen’s and Jen immediately let out a small moan feeling a spark between them before eagerly kissing back. The kiss started out gentle but quickly grew in passion as they got a feel for each other’s lips. Judy thought that it was pretty impulsive to kiss Jen out of the blue but she just needed her and the tension had been building ever since the day they had met. Judy knew the moment she laid eyes on this woman that her life would never be the same. Jen on the other hand fell in love with Judy slowly it was the little things like cooking breakfast for her and the boys and listening to her stupid rants about work, ready with a glass of wine and watching the facts of life after a long day. She had never felt this way with Ben or Ted or anyone else she had ever been with. Oh fuck, she is in love with Judy Hale and she thought it would scare her but instead all she wanted to do was keep falling. They were both in a battle for dominance which Jen eventually won and Judy crawled into Jen’s lap straddling her and Jen reached around her and started to pull down the zipper on Judy’s dress but before she could get it all the way down Judy pulled back both of them breathing heavily.

“Wait, Jen, are you sure you want to-“ “Shut up, Judy.” They looked into each other’s eyes and just knew that it was time to take their relationship to the next level. Jen was ready to spend the night with Judy and make this moment count for everything it's worth because in the morning she knew she would have to leave before Judy woke up and turn herself in to the police. Jen knew that Judy deserved so much better than her but right now she just wanted to be fucking selfish and have Judy all to herself, so she pushed that thought to the back of her mind. They started kissing again for a few more moments before Jen muttered against Judy’s lips “Upstairs, now.”

They then realized they were still in the mustang and quickly got out of the car stumbling upstairs while kissing and groping each other and trying to be quiet so that they did not wake up the boys. Jen pushed Judy against the wall pulling her into a heated kiss and when Judy hissed in pain Jen pulled back and looked concerned, “Are you okay?” “Yeah, it’s just that you accidentally pushed me into the table.” Judy chuckled. “Oh, sorry.” “It’s okay!” Judy gave her that little smile that made her heart melt every fucking time and Jen pulled her in again pushing her to the other side of the wall where there was no table and started kissing her neck. “Oh, fuck” Judy moaned and they eventually stumbled into Jen’s bedroom without any more trouble and shut the door behind them.

After they were both sated and lying under the covers naked, Judy had quickly fallen asleep exhausted from all of the night’s events muttering a quick “goodnight, love.” to Jen and wrapping her arm around Jen’s torso, and Jen let her mind wander. Jen usually was not a big cuddler but fucking Judy had made her go soft, gross. Making love had never felt so right but maybe you just needed the right person, someone who made you feel loved each and every day without hesitation. Judy truly was her person and she always would be.

Jen was beyond tired and all she wanted to do was fall asleep with Judy by her side but she knew she had to leave now while she still had her courage. Jen looked over at Judy who was sleeping peacefully and she smiled while letting a tear escape her eye, oh fuck who knew that saying goodbye would be this hard. She knew she had to do this but that didn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like a bitch but it was time. _It’s my turn_ to pay the price, _it’s my turn_ to take responsibility for killing Steve, and _it’s my turn_ to save Judy and our family.

Jen slowly removed Judy’s arm from around her waist and quietly slipped out of bed and got dressed. Jen went around to Judy’s side of the bed and tucked a strand of stray hair away from her face, god she is so beautiful, like an angel on earth. Jen leaned down hovering a few inches away from Judy’s face before leaning in and lightly kissing her on the cheek. She whispered, “I love you, Judy Hale.” Jen then backed away stealing one last glance at her and left the room. This was going to be a long night. 

A few hours later, Judy awoke and felt around for Jen and when she didn’t feel anyone beside her, her eyes opened and she sat up looking around the room. “Jen?” Judy called out. Judy then noticed an emergency binder sitting on the bed and three letters two of which were addressed to the boys and one to her. Judy stared at her letter for what seemed like forever but was actually only a few minutes before calling out once more hoping to hear Jen’s annoyed voice saying what? For being awake before the sun has even risen but she was only met with the dull sound of silence and soon the sound of crying filled the room because Judy soon realized that Jen was long gone and out of her life forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again for reading! What did you think?


End file.
